My thoughts lately...

I think I am experiencing a lot of anxiety because I don't know how to plan out my life right now.

I do need to talk to Laurie about my worries and concerns.  I'm always talking about other people and their problems.  The one thing I have committed myself to right now is getting exercise and it still feels like a lot of work.  All I did was sign up for a trainer and paid to get someone else to help me reach my goal.  And I could barely make it through the exercises that Russell's been giving me.

At this point, my concern is not about hanging around people and partying.  I don't want to see Jenny or Kenny.  That leaves me pretty much with no one.  I sincerely do not want to hang out with Kenny.  There is something wrong with him.  He is way too spacey.  And it annoys the shit out of me.  He is socially retarded.  And Jenny is getting old, her English is worse and she's mentally deteriorating.  I have not seen her in awhile because none of us have been calling each other.  I basically don't even think about her now or at least I don't allow myself to.  I don't think I miss her really.  I'm just not all that interested in hanging out with other people right now.  The other people that I could be talking to frankly, I feel my role with them is because they want to talk therapy.  I can't help Kenny, Jenny, and I cannot concern my matters too much with Kris, Linda and Jenny whom I'm barely getting to know.  The only person I might try getting to know is someone out of this puny, sad social network that I currently have.

But I just don't want to hang out with anyone right now.  I'm tired of people.  I'm tired of choosing odd people and I'm afraid to make a new friend that isn't odd because that's my tendency.  I think the only thing I care about right now is MYSELF.

Did I just write that?  Yes.  I am all about helping myself succeed.  I am doing hair right now so I can allow myself to hangout with Emma and meet up with classmates like Justin or get to know Lydia.  These are people I won't see very much of in my life so it's good to get in touch with others.

I am going to enjoy my time at home.  I WILL purchase a flight to Florida to get some lessons.  I can spend my time leisurely in Florida.  Then I'll make a decision about what to do while I'm in Taiwan.  Why not, I can even take a break and don't have to work immediately.  I can take a year long break even if I want.  It's my fucking life.

Oh, and right now I am truly considering laser hair removal.  Why not?  I've been spending so much on material things.  I want to work on my physical health now and yes that involves beauty too that is not superficially altering.  

So I'm going to fix the way I eat by having breakfast at the start of each day.

SF

Well, I really wanted to blog about the places I went to while I was in SF but blogger.com was temporarily shut down.

Anywho....

Upon late Saturday night arrival, Kris took me to Mighty's to hangout at a hip hop club.  I still had fun.  We had vodka shots at a previous bar before we headed there.  I drank on a fairly empty stomach and felt slightly sick since I smoked right before that.  Win treated us to a bunch of shots.  Nice.  Hungout and chatted.  Don't know what happened to Kris because it seems that we offended her and she was crying.  

Sunday, we went to the Pulp Fashion exhibit to see some paper exhibit by Isobel someone.  Met her friend Eric, a total gay fashionista.  Had a croque monsier at the museum cafe.  That was followed by a random vietnamese pho joint before we headed home, popped in Inception dvd and I passed out.  

Monday, we went to the Fillmore to shop.  We had lunch at Whitehouse and Irene joined us.  I bought a dress at Jigsaw, a hippie metal & turquoise necklace and a stringy grey leather bracelet with tiny gold studs.  It amounted to $400+ .... Kris decided to meet up with her family friend Weber so we had dinner at a tapas place called Barbacco Eno Trattoria.  We went to Palomino later to hang with Irene's set of douchy party people.  Yuck.  It sucked.  Home we went and chatted until 4am.  Good lord.

Tuesday, we went to have brunch at Brenda's soul food.  The beignets were delicious and scary because we tried the sampler.  I ordered a salad with grilled chicken while Kris ordered the catfish poboy.  The California Academy of Sciences and the Planetarium was soo awesome.  We had Pizzeria Delfina's.  Amazing margherita pizza, some strawberry prosseco slush drink and fried asparagus with parmasen cheese.  Yum.  Then I continued eating at home.  Tons of Sans Rival filipino dessert cake.  Followed by the rest of the leftovers from Brenda.  So bad.  Kris showed me her wardrobe collection.  Very neat.  

On Wednesday, we left the house late because I was dead tired.  For lunch we went to Union Square and had a nice buffet at Amber India.  We shopped at Jeremy's in South Park and I scored Chanel black ballet pumps and a Veda brown leather moto jacket.  It had a slash on the right arm though.  We went to Hayes but by the time we got there at 6:30 most of the shops had closed.  For dinner we ate at Suppenkuche and had braised beef with cranberry sauce, with spatzle and I had a mixed beer drink.  Mine was called the Radler I think (Helles with lemon soda).  It was light and refreshing.  

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Back to today.  What did I accomplish?  Well, I had a cold cut subway and I tried to fix my leather jacket.  Right next door was Boutique 5, a consignment and designer label store.  I ended up purchasing an LV mini crossbody.  It was the Saint Cloud in black epi leather.  Although it was marked on sale for $350, I purchased mine in cash for $250.  My offer was $200 to the seller but that's pretty much the cheapest going price on Ebay.  I could have saved $50 but it's not so bad.  I spent an average amount considering that I didn't pay for shipping and there was no tax.  

I spent $1200+ on shopping.  Eeek.  

Jeremy's $512 

Amber India  $38.24

Suppenkuche $28.03

Pizzeria Delfina's  $50

Palomino  $16.76

Jigsaw dress  $230

Woodhouse  $24

Barbacco  $32

Candystore Collective $130

Heidi says shoe $107

Bottega Louie macaroons git $45

Here is my dream

My dream is to move to Miami and take singing lessons with Jeremy while I assist at a salon.  I really, really, really want to do this.  I can build a whole new life there.

I have no attachments here and I don't have any good friends here.  The "crazy" people that I let into my life basically drove me crazy.  Here in Arcadia I just have Linda and Jenny.  Carlene.  Hmm...  I pretty much am a loner.

I will discover the LA music scene after I get my training in Miami both in hair and singing.  I want to get my own apartment and possibly a pet.  Sigh.  I really really really want to do this but I am also deathly afraid.

I cannot imagine myself in Taipei for long.  3 months will be enough training and I can do that intensively.

Stressed while waiting for state board

I'm a little stressed right now because I don't know how to go about making my plans without a set date for state board.  Maybe I should facebook Al or Sean Michael.  At least find out what the typical waiting period is?

Things on my list to do:

STUDY MASSIVELY ON HAIR.  Mostly ABC before the exam date and practice doing hair on friends.

EXERCISE.  Get all your sessions in with Russ.  Work out 2-3x per week.  Just run everyday.

I was hoping to SING....ack....but it seems like my mind is unable to focus on much else other than hair.  This waiting process annoys me.  I think that I will make a goal of not smoking joints.  Only vaporizer if I must.

Analysis of Jenny

Jenny is pretty much a bitch that is inflexible.  There is something oddly wrong about her.  My therapist thinks that she is a narcissist that also has low self-esteem.  She doesn't want to associate with people like her, but only those who are successful, ambitious and wealthy.  It makes her judgmental and a ugly snob.  When she talks shit about people she deems as "losers" she is basically projecting.  

The entire Vegas trip was all about her.  It was all about her hangover, some random guy she met and all about her plans even though she said the trip was for me to celebrate my graduation.  However, not once did she say congratulations to me.  We even had to take my car for the trip.  She is super selfish and needs serious mental help.  Listening to her talk to the guy in bed was just yuck.

She is mentally ill and crazy.

Physically, she looks like Tila Tequila.  Trashy, thin lips.  

She is crass, unrefined, uneducated, and has the UGLIEST and unlistenable accent.

She has no musical or linguistic talent because after all these years she still cannot pronounce anything right.  She projected her fobiness onto me when she is the true fob.

She will have the most difficult time finding a man.

She no longer has my support.  I'm over it.  I'm not even mad.  I just feel bad for the rat looking girl.

I will not hold anything against anyone...

...but I will just hang with them less.  I think that of all people, I still appreciate Kris because she is a nuthead with enough awareness to know what she's doing.  She is into fashion, music, food.  A little on the crazy, obnoxious, difficult side when drunk .... AND she's constantly saying her thoughts aloud.  It's funny but can get annoying because she's so frantic at times.  

People like Jenny and Kenny (never thought about it rhyming) are a bit off.  There is definitely something wrong with each of them.  They are people that I'm not all that interested in associating with.  Jenny is absent minded, slightly bipoloar/borderline, trashy, crass, and kind of a bitch and pain to deal with.  She's a crazy drunk and it's no fun hanging out with her.  She is also getting old and forgetful.  She cannot hang.  She needed two days to recover from a hangover.  Seriously not a good sign.  Kenny's world is in drugs and he's a pothead.  He's pretty much a loser and I need to stop hanging out with him.  These two people are on the very bottom of my priority list right now.

I can get to know Jenny Mao (slightly a hair slow as well).  Also, I think Lydia is really cool.

I can study MUSIC. HAIR. SINGING. FASHION. FILM FOR INSPIRATION.

Lykke Li

My new fave musical artist.  She's amazing.  She's an old soul.

I went to Vegas this weekend after getting my diploma.  It wasn't that fun and it helped me get over my friendship grudge with Jenny.  I don't bear the grudge, but I also became indifferent and realized I just need to make new friends.