SIX WEEKS!! Then I'm home free....
Under no circumstance are you going to pine or fall for any guys. Stick to your guns because Aaron is a serious disaster. He won't treat me well. He's rude to me conversationally and plays games. He talked about how he found Darcie very attractive. And how the other new girls in class are cute. Only young boys play games and make others jealous. I don't like games and you've crossed the line to get anywhere with me. Only a mature guy that genuinely likes me would ask me out by now. So no, I don't have time for child's play. In fact, he doesn't deserve to have his name on my phone. His name is rude boy.
Friday, January 28, 2011
I love Interpol and The Strokes
I love indie rock. I wish I could take a rock history and appreciation class. I love music and I love to sing. But I rarely, if ever, do the second one. I just dream and think about it. That's pretty sad isn't it?
Thursday, January 27, 2011
My dreams to make come true in my lifetime..........
Honestly, it is not a bad thing to want all the things I want for my life. I must explore and remove the obstacles that prevent me from living a fuller life.
1. To become a great singer and move to Florida
2. To marry the man of my dreams
3. To be a great friend and have a strong and big social support of family and friends. To have everyone want to be around your presence
4. To help others in less fortunate situations. Explore my humanitarian, INFP personality by volunteering and figuring out which issues are important to me. Counseling? Therapist?
5. Get cosmetology license. Get financially independent.
6. Exercise and become a healthy and great dancer!
7. To overcome my social anxiety and related issues and to quit smoking pot. Be more productive 2011.
8. To be a good person, whole and complete
8. To be a good person, whole and complete
I don't necessarily want to be a hair dresser for long but I'd like to explore the one-on-one aspect of it in making a client feel good about themselves and being a friend.
PROS:
Since I am a bit of a sociologist, I want to get as much perspective into the minds and views of different walks of life. Learn. Ask questions. Just take care of others and make them feel beautiful. This could possibly be a way or transition into being a therapist later on when I have the life experience. Or possibly be an awesome singer. I must think about my target clientele. If I work with the rich and snotty, that will be a different outlook. Hmmm...... I think I will try it all.
I want to work on being a better person for my own well-being. Being a therapist would require these skills:
Must be able to set aside personal beliefs when working with patients.
Be comfortable working with all walks of life
Strong interpersonal skills
Patient
Confidential
Must be able to set aside personal beliefs when working with patients.
Be comfortable working with all walks of life
Strong interpersonal skills
Patient
Confidential
Beware of the tiger
It's not that I have a hidden agenda against anyone but I just cannot win with a Tiger. So instead of resisting it is better to go along with it but stay in stealth mode. I'm going to suck the best out of Aaron and his hair skills if he lets me. Let's see what kind of friend he becomes. Everyday from this point on, I'm going to go to school on time and walk with him. Then I'm going to study state board and get my hair license. With any leftover time I'll make the best of it and see what I can learn from him about hair.
With regards to friendship, keep it light and affectionate but don't let him sleep with you. It is very likely that it won't happen and he's not interested. But in the event that it does, explain to him about the cons in a kind way. Explain to him that you don't want to compromise the friendship and the age difference will not work out. We simply don't have the time and it will not go anywhere.
Keep firm to this. This is your chance to succeed this year. Make the best out of it and stay on the positive outlook.
With regards to friendship, keep it light and affectionate but don't let him sleep with you. It is very likely that it won't happen and he's not interested. But in the event that it does, explain to him about the cons in a kind way. Explain to him that you don't want to compromise the friendship and the age difference will not work out. We simply don't have the time and it will not go anywhere.
Keep firm to this. This is your chance to succeed this year. Make the best out of it and stay on the positive outlook.
Time is a monster
No wasting the best years of your life waiting around for something that's likely not going to happen...
I'm not gonna beat around the bush. If Aaron wants me then I need to find out soon. He has been confusing the shit out of me lately and I think that's because he's toned down his behavior since our last text quarrel. I think he was just flirting in his rude, intense manner which turned me off. My response probably hurt and irritated him but he was being immature in a stupid joking way. I just need affection and someone to shower me with attention.
In the beginning he would carry my bag and stuff, and then Emma would say that he's more like a boyfriend. But he wouldn't reveal anything. He's a secretive type of guy. But something happened one night. He got more flirtatious than usual when we were in the car. He was behaving funny. He joked about why I wanted to go to my room "do you want to make out?" and then about us needing candlelight in my car. And when I used to drop him off to his place he would give me a nice, long hug.
But there are things about him that turn me off too. I think he is self-absorbed in some ways that make him selfish and insensitive to those around him. We are officially roommates and I will move in this coming weekend. He didn't express any excitement for that. At least not like before.... or maybe that depends on his mood?
Either way, I don't think he will ever let me enter his psyche and heart.
I'm not gonna beat around the bush. If Aaron wants me then I need to find out soon. He has been confusing the shit out of me lately and I think that's because he's toned down his behavior since our last text quarrel. I think he was just flirting in his rude, intense manner which turned me off. My response probably hurt and irritated him but he was being immature in a stupid joking way. I just need affection and someone to shower me with attention.
In the beginning he would carry my bag and stuff, and then Emma would say that he's more like a boyfriend. But he wouldn't reveal anything. He's a secretive type of guy. But something happened one night. He got more flirtatious than usual when we were in the car. He was behaving funny. He joked about why I wanted to go to my room "do you want to make out?" and then about us needing candlelight in my car. And when I used to drop him off to his place he would give me a nice, long hug.
But there are things about him that turn me off too. I think he is self-absorbed in some ways that make him selfish and insensitive to those around him. We are officially roommates and I will move in this coming weekend. He didn't express any excitement for that. At least not like before.... or maybe that depends on his mood?
Either way, I don't think he will ever let me enter his psyche and heart.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Pretty desperate and pathetic
I think that lately I've been lame and hopeful for a guy that is not mature enough.
I drove him to Gardena so that he could get a pair of shears. He treated us to lunch but then that's it. No discussion in the car and no attention toward me. He's so obsessed with his shears that nothing else could distract or take his mind off it. It's really annoying and selfish of him. It's a result of him being privileged and being spoiled. This happens to so many Asian men. I can't expect anything of him. He may be so immature and shy and unwilling to make a move.
What I'm going to do now is withdraw from offering any favors to him. I want to see what he would do for me. He is a boy and I have to be understanding of his mentally immature age. It's so pathetic that I'm even finding reasons to like him. I am that lonely and pathetic. Sigh. I need to get out and meet more men.
I drove him to Gardena so that he could get a pair of shears. He treated us to lunch but then that's it. No discussion in the car and no attention toward me. He's so obsessed with his shears that nothing else could distract or take his mind off it. It's really annoying and selfish of him. It's a result of him being privileged and being spoiled. This happens to so many Asian men. I can't expect anything of him. He may be so immature and shy and unwilling to make a move.
What I'm going to do now is withdraw from offering any favors to him. I want to see what he would do for me. He is a boy and I have to be understanding of his mentally immature age. It's so pathetic that I'm even finding reasons to like him. I am that lonely and pathetic. Sigh. I need to get out and meet more men.
Nothing real is ever ideal
Sigh. I need love, affection and sex from an adoring and attractive partner. I don't know if the right life circumstances will allow me to meet that person. Maybe everything is random. I don't know.
This is all horny talk, but I think Aaron would actually be a good lover. But anything else would probably be a disaster. I just fantasize about him. Maybe things are meant to be simpler but it's hard to live that way. We all want more and more out of life. He finds a time during a day to touch me. Today he patted my shoulders and put his arms around me. Then when we headed home and I was driving, he lightly stroked my right leg (side of upper thigh and slightly below my ass) and asked me if I was ticklish. What a god damn flirt. Next time I will respond by pulling him toward me. What could hurt if something happened between us? We could always keep it a secret. I think I am growing a crush on him. Damn. We are about to be roommates.
This is all horny talk, but I think Aaron would actually be a good lover. But anything else would probably be a disaster. I just fantasize about him. Maybe things are meant to be simpler but it's hard to live that way. We all want more and more out of life. He finds a time during a day to touch me. Today he patted my shoulders and put his arms around me. Then when we headed home and I was driving, he lightly stroked my right leg (side of upper thigh and slightly below my ass) and asked me if I was ticklish. What a god damn flirt. Next time I will respond by pulling him toward me. What could hurt if something happened between us? We could always keep it a secret. I think I am growing a crush on him. Damn. We are about to be roommates.
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