I cannot afford to waste my time on the wrong people.
I certainly have daddy issues and am always inclined toward those with unhealthy minds. At the same time, I am also drawn to aloof men who are emotionally unavailable and poor communicators. There is a sense of familiarity with this type of male and my hope that I can be the one to open them up and that they will change for me. It is a kind of sick and twisted fantasy. It may be that I'm also a very sensual being and my lack of receiving affection growing up has made me hunger for it even more. I will go to lengths to be hopeful for the wrong person. In a way I am satisfying my curiosity and challenge, but do I really need to do it? I live with a child. He is not my father but he is equally emotionally immature and instead of it being a turn off, I fantasize about the day that he will initiate something as there is some tension between us. I could be wrong about now, but it used to exist. The fact that he makes me feel insecure has part to do with the attraction. So fucked up right? If he gave me everything I wouldn't appreciate him. Sigh. I need to date a good man.
I'm going on a double date this Friday with Carlene and Henry. Don't think too much. Just do it. Maybe even smoke a little pot beforehand.
No comments:
Post a Comment