I am daydreaming and thinking through music listening. I started to think about Eric. I don't know a thing about him except that he is from Philadelphia and that he used to be a kitchen chef. He is a music lover and he is really nice. I think he has some kind of family connection to Traci Sakosits. At least that's what I was told because he appeared at the Sunset theater to watch the Vidal Sassoon documentary. We both like Shuggie Otis and soul music. He said that he likes Otis Redding. That just leaves a sweet impression of him. I guess it's nice to daydream about someone else, someone that is a good person. I have a good feeling about him as a person. He's someone I wouldn't mind getting to know. I'm only spending time on people that I believe are worth spending my time with.
Home life with the roomie is still strange but becoming more routine. He is seriously not a pleasant person to deal with. He is definitely someone I would be wasting my time with. He is really weird. He is starting to give me the creeps as a person. His identity is bizarre. I don't think he can get far with his personality. He will need to keep his private life very separate from his professional life. Because he is seriously odd. I just don't like his energy, aura, presence, mood, personality? I was right from the start. I don't like him. Never did from my impression and it wasn't worth giving him a chance. I'm just too cool of a person and he's out of my league by thousands of miles. Where I stand and where he stand, there's abso-fuckin-lutely no fucking chance. Who the fuck does he think he is? He ain't shit. He is a piece of shit with a piece of shit mind and heart. Well he is mentally ill. Is it fair for me to hate someone who has some kind of mental illness? In a way, I'd say it's partially fair. One, because the roomie is aware of his problem and his effect on others. And he doesn't want to do anything about it. He is not open to it and he has neither the capacity. He has a black heart and he's killing himself by smoking a pack a day whatever else he does, like previously cutting himself. And he won't take a realistic view of himself because he is prideful. Wow. Just wow. I guess I've learned the limits of some people. I don't regret giving him my BIG TWO CENTS. I think someone had to do it and I don't care if I was being self-righteous and preaching about it. I laid everything straight out to him and gave him the opportunity to do something about it. He probably took it very hard because he is immature and had a crush on me. He was very rude and manipulative. I stood up for myself and told him I'm not putting up with his shit. But in a strong confrontational email. He lost, but in his mind he won because he decided not to respond. By not responding he basically communicated that he did not care for the most part. There was no apology. After that we ceased communication, and he did consider acknowledging my presence (but now instead of hello, it's like a mumbly "mmm hi").
While living with him I can't look at him in the eye anymore. That's how repulsive I now find him. Maybe that is too strong of a word. I think my frustration and eventual dislike of him has turned to voluntary indifference. I'm not going to initiate talking to him or greeting him. I don't need to. I have to say that even when he is being his euphoric happy self, he ultimately creeps me out because his voice gets so high it's completely out of character. He's a skinny, scrawny thin man. Seriously unattractive and weird. Not even worth sticking around to learn about hair from him. Simply because it would be annoying to deal with.
I'd rather be self-motivated to learn it all on my own and from other people I admire. This allows me to push myself.
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