Made it through Soiree

What has happened to American Idol.  It's become so commercialized, karaoke-like and only perpetuates the recording studio crap sound.  Ugh.  This makes me want to be an even better singer than ever.  Honestly, I just want to keep singing and I like the aesthetic sound that Jeremy has.  I think it would be a bit extreme to suddenly move to Florida and make a decision of studying there for a year.  That is no longer possible and I must get over it.  I had my chance when I had it and I blew it.  Not intentionally of course but because I wasn't emotionally strong and stable.

So I completed Soiree day.  Big pat on the back for getting thus far.  But the day left me feeling sad.  I didn't have family or friends to see me graduate from Sassoon.  The only person I could come home to was my roommate who I don't even get that along with.  How sad is that?  Plus I think it also makes me feel sad about having a relationship with Irv.  He was often absent-minded and too busy to remember things about me, especially dates and events important to me.  He can't be bothered with things like this.

I sincerely cannot get along with Aaron.  If there was one thing I'd like to get from him it's his knowledge of hair.  But everything else about him annoys the shit out of me and I can't bother with his borderline personality behavior.  The BPD is already a huge negative.  Plus on top of that he has no physical looks and health.  Definitely the last person you'd want to get romantically connected to.  You can't at all because mentally he is sick.  He knows he has a mental illness.

Getting older is a bit depressing.  I had to say it.  But trying to live optimistically is difficult.

I'm just tired now and I think it's the fucking indica.  I was nice to my hair model because I bought him clothes from H&M for Soiree and gave him a free haircut.  I really just needed to get through to graduation.  He really had bad hygiene and he's a bit weird/dorky.  But I think he could tell I was a nice person and he even offered to hangout cuz he knew I had no family that came to visit me.  Anyways, he says that I remind him of his best friend's mom.

Our group had a good soiree.  I'll miss the girls a lot.  One part of me is depressed and hopeful and yet unsure of where to head at this point.

I think that I will just study hard from now on, for at least another month.  Don't rely on other people.  Just gain what you can from the current abc manual and dvd.  Maybe Emma can help you a ton.